Transform Your Self-Care: Letting Go of ‘Should’

Imagine this scenario: you’re asked to give up one word that you use regularly. You can never say it again, write it down, or even think about it without feeling a pang of loss. What word would you choose? This seemingly simple question can lead to profound insights, especially when the word touches on something as deeply personal and universally relevant as self-care.

When considering this exercise, many words might come to mind—words that we use daily, almost unconsciously. Words like “busy,” “should,” “perfect,” or “stressed.” Each of these words carries its own weight, its own implications for how we live our lives and care for ourselves. But there’s one word that stands out, one word that, if removed from our vocabulary, could potentially shift our entire approach to self-care and well-being. That word is “should.”

Why the Word “Should” Matters

“Should” is a small word with a big impact. It’s the word we use to impose expectations on ourselves, to set standards, and to create invisible rules. It’s a word that often comes with a heavy dose of guilt or obligation.

Think about how often you use “should” in relation to self-care:

• “I should exercise more.”
• “I should eat healthier.”
• “I should meditate every day.”
• “I should be more productive.”
• “I should go to bed earlier.”

These statements, while seemingly innocuous, carry an underlying message: that what we’re currently doing isn’t enough, that we need to be doing something else to be okay, to be worthy, to be enough. “Should” suggests that there is a standard we are failing to meet, a goal we are falling short of, and that until we meet these expectations, we are somehow inadequate.

The Pressure of “Should” in Self-Care

In the realm of self-care, “should” can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can motivate us to make positive changes, to adopt healthier habits, and to strive for a better version of ourselves. On the other hand, it can become a source of pressure, stress, and even shame. When self-care becomes another item on the “should” list, it loses its essence. It stops being about nurturing and caring for ourselves and starts being about meeting expectations.

Consider how often we use “should” in the context of self-care and how it feels:

• When you think, “I should exercise more,” does it make you feel excited and motivated, or does it fill you with a sense of dread and guilt?
• When you say, “I should eat healthier,” do you feel inspired to make better choices, or do you feel ashamed of your current habits?
• When you tell yourself, “I should be more productive,” does it drive you to achieve more, or does it make you feel like you’re never doing enough?

The problem with “should” is that it often sets us up for failure. It creates a gap between where we are and where we think we ought to be, and when we inevitably fall short, we feel disappointed and disheartened. This can lead to a cycle of negative self-talk and self-criticism, which is the antithesis of self-care.

The Power of Language in Self-Care

Language shapes our reality. The words we use influence our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions. In the context of self-care, the language we use can either empower us or undermine us.

When we use words like “should,” we place ourselves under the weight of expectation and obligation. We create a mental checklist of tasks and behaviors that we believe are necessary for us to be okay, to be worthy, to be loved. This can create a sense of pressure and stress, making self-care feel like another chore rather than a source of joy and fulfillment.

On the other hand, when we choose our words carefully, we can cultivate a more compassionate and nurturing approach to self-care. Instead of saying, “I should exercise,” we can say, “I want to move my body in a way that feels good.” Instead of, “I should eat healthier,” we can say, “I choose to nourish my body with foods that make me feel energized.” Instead of, “I should be more productive,” we can say, “I value my work, and I also value my rest.”

By changing our language, we change our mindset. We shift from a place of pressure and expectation to a place of choice and empowerment. We recognize that self-care is not about meeting a set of standards or checking off a list of tasks. It’s about tuning into ourselves, listening to our needs, and making choices that honor and support our well-being.

What Happens When We Remove “Should”?

Imagine, for a moment, a life without “should.” A life where the word is completely erased from your vocabulary. How would this change your approach to self-care? How would it change your relationship with yourself?

Without “should,” there is no external standard to meet, no invisible checklist to follow. There is only you, your needs, and your desires. Self-care becomes less about what you “should” do and more about what you “want” to do, what you “choose” to do, and what you “feel” is right for you.

This shift can be incredibly liberating. It allows you to reclaim your power and autonomy. It gives you permission to listen to your body, to trust your intuition, and to make choices that feel good for you, rather than choices that are based on external expectations or societal standards.

When “should” is removed from the equation, you are free to define self-care on your own terms. You can decide what self-care looks like for you, without the pressure to conform to a specific image or ideal. This could mean taking a nap in the middle of the day, spending an afternoon reading a book, enjoying a delicious meal, or saying no to plans that don’t feel aligned with your well-being.

The Role of Self-Awareness in Overcoming “Should”

Removing “should” from our vocabulary is easier said than done. It requires a high level of self-awareness and mindfulness. We’ve been conditioned to think in terms of “should” from a young age, and it’s deeply ingrained in our language and thought patterns.

The first step in overcoming “should” is to become aware of how often we use it and how it affects us. Pay attention to your inner dialogue. Notice when “should” comes up and how it makes you feel. Do you feel empowered and motivated, or do you feel pressured and inadequate?

Once you’ve become aware of the “should” in your language, practice replacing it with more empowering words. Instead of saying, “I should meditate every day,” try saying, “I choose to meditate because it helps me feel calm and centered.” Instead of, “I should be more productive,” say, “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”

This simple shift in language can have a profound impact on your mindset and your approach to self-care. It allows you to move from a place of pressure and obligation to a place of choice and empowerment. It reminds you that self-care is not about meeting a set of standards but about honoring your needs and desires.

The Importance of Compassion in Self-Care

Another important aspect of overcoming “should” is cultivating self-compassion. Self-care is not about perfection. It’s not about always doing the right thing or being the best version of ourselves. It’s about being kind to ourselves, especially when we fall short of our own expectations.

When we use “should,” we often set ourselves up for failure. We create expectations that are difficult to meet, and when we inevitably fall short, we feel disappointed and critical of ourselves. This can lead to a cycle of self-criticism and self-doubt, which is the opposite of self-care.

By cultivating self-compassion, we can break this cycle. We can remind ourselves that it’s okay to have bad days, to make mistakes, to fall short of our own expectations. We can offer ourselves the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a friend.

Self-compassion allows us to let go of the need to be perfect and to embrace our imperfections. It reminds us that we are human, that we are doing our best, and that our worth is not determined by how well we meet a set of standards or expectations.

The Role of Mindset in Self-Care

Mindset is a powerful tool in self-care. Our thoughts shape our reality, and the way we think about ourselves and our actions has a direct impact on our well-being.

When we operate from a mindset of “should,” we are often driven by a fear of not being enough. We believe that we need to do more, be more, achieve more to be worthy of love and acceptance. This mindset can create a constant sense of pressure and inadequacy, making it difficult to truly care for ourselves.

By shifting our mindset, we can transform our approach to self-care. Instead of focusing on what we “should” do, we can focus on what we “want” to do, what we “choose” to do, and what makes us feel good. We can cultivate a mindset of abundance, where we recognize that we are enough just as we are, and that self-care is not about fixing ourselves but about nurturing and supporting ourselves.

A positive mindset allows us to approach self-care with joy and gratitude. It reminds us that self-care is a gift we give to ourselves, not a chore or obligation. It encourages us to celebrate our achievements, no matter how small, and to take pleasure in the simple act of taking care of ourselves.

Practical Tips for Letting Go of “Should”

Letting go of “should” is a process that takes time and practice. Here are some practical tips to help you along the way:

1. Practice Mindfulness: Pay attention to your inner dialogue and notice when “should” comes up. Take a moment to pause and reflect on how it makes you feel. Ask yourself if this “should” is serving you or if it’s creating unnecessary pressure and stress.
2. Reframe Your Language: Replace “should” with more empowering words like “choose,” “want,” or “prefer.” For example, instead of saying, “I should go to the gym,” say, “I choose to go to the gym because it makes me feel good.”
3. Set Realistic Expectations: Be honest with yourself about what you can realistically achieve. Avoid setting yourself up for failure by creating unrealistic standards. Remember that self-care is not about being perfect but about taking care of yourself in a way that feels good and sustainable.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially when you fall short of your own expectations. Remember that it’s okay to have bad days and to make mistakes. Offer yourself the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend.
5. Celebrate Your Wins: Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognize the effort you put into taking care of yourself and take pride in the progress you’ve made.
6. Focus on What Feels Good: Instead of focusing on what you “should” do, focus on what makes you feel good. Tune into your body and listen to what it needs. Make choices that honor and support your well-being, rather than choices based on external expectations or standards.
7. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your self-care journey. Share your struggles and successes with trusted friends or loved ones, and seek out communities or resources that align with your values and goals.

Embracing a Life Without “Should”

If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, consider giving up “should.” By removing this word from your vocabulary, you can transform your approach to self-care and well-being. You can let go of the pressure to meet external standards and instead focus on what feels good and right for you.

Embracing a life without “should” is about reclaiming your power and autonomy. It’s about recognizing that you are enough just as you are and that self-care is not about fixing yourself but about nurturing and supporting yourself. It’s about cultivating a mindset of abundance and joy, where self-care is a gift you give to yourself, not a chore or obligation.

So, the next time you catch yourself saying “should,” take a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself if this “should” is serving you or if it’s creating unnecessary pressure and stress. Choose words that empower you, that honor your needs and desires, and that support your journey toward greater well-being and fulfillment.

In a world full of “shoulds,” choose to live a life guided by what feels right for you. Choose to embrace a life of self-care that is rooted in compassion, choice, and joy. Choose to be kind to yourself, to celebrate your wins, and to recognize your worth. Choose to let go of “should” and to step into a life where you are free to be yourself, just as you are.